I never hit the beach, the pool, the sun deck, or the yacht (you never know--Diddy might call) without the current issue of VANITY FAIR. One of my favorite features is the “Proust Questionnaire,” which always closes the magazine. Instead of serving up the standard author bio (Kylie was born in . . . when she was four, somebody stole her tricycle . . . the first boy she ever kissed gave her strep throat . . . etc.), I thought it would be fun to answer the provocative Q&A myself. So read on for the innermost secrets of my soul . . .

What is your idea of a perfect day?
Good pages of writing in the box, exercise until I conk out, gabfests with my sisters via cell phone, a Fed Ex delivery (preferably something expensive that I ordered), and a new episode of THE O.C.

What is your greatest fear?
To dine with Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

What is the trait that you most deplore in others?
Moodiness.

Which living person do you most admire?
Jackie Collins.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Louis Vuitton luggage and La Prairie skin care products.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Frugality.

Which living person do you most despise?
Any reality show contestant who thinks he/she is an actual star.

On what occasion do you lie?
When the truth will send someone straight to the liquor cabinet.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"How much is left on my credit line?”

What is your greatest regret?
The restraining order that George Clooney filed.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Depending on the day, my parents, my siblings, my nephews and nieces, my friends, my pets, my agent, my psychic, sometimes even the woman at Prada who found the boots on sale in my size.

When and where were you happiest?
Last summer, riding a Vespa in the Hamptons.

Which talent would you most like to have?
To save money and invest it wisely.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Surviving middle school and high school.

If you were to die and come back as an object, what is the worst thing you could imagine that would be?
Jessica Simpson’s microphone.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being trapped in an ambivalent relationship. And having bad credit. But not necessarily in that order.

What is your most marked characteristic?
My sense of humor.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
That he’s George Clooney.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
That she takes no shit from anyone.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Lucky Santangelo.

What is your current state of mind?
Anxious.

How would you like to die?
Telling George Clooney that I’ve had enough and to please let me sleep.

What is your motto?
Better alone than badly accompanied.